Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody

Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody is a 2011 American pornographic superhero film.

Directed by Axel Braun. Written by Axel Braun and Bryn Pryor.

From Axel Braun, The Director of BATMAN XXX: A Porn Parody, the #1 Adult movie of 2010

Dialogue

[first lines]

J.J. Jameson: Guess the hero doesn't always win.

Peter Parker: What's that, Mr. Jameson?

J.J. Jameson: Kraven the Hunter, framed for murder by that wall-crawling menace.

Robbie Robertson: We don't know that, Jonah. Captain Stacy told me there's plenty of evidence.

J.J. Jameson: Aww bullshit, Robbie, Kraven tried to rid this city of a pest and Spider-Man set him up. That man's a hero.

Peter Parker: Look, you also say that *Nixon* was misunderstood.

J.J. Jameson: Who asked you anyway, Parker? What good are you? This morning, Spider-Man and that Juggernaut knocked down a building. Where were you? Where are my pictures?

Peter Parker: Well, I guess I can't be everywhere at once.

Robbie Robertson: Jonah, we're not going to run that story. According to the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man tried to stop Juggernaut.

J.J. Jameson: That's right. Tried and failed. Just like *this* little prick.

[gestures at Parker]

J.J. Jameson: I pay you to be everywhere. You know what, Parker? You're fired. Fired. F-I-R-E-D, fired. Get outta here. Out. Out. Get out.

---

Black Widow: Are you going to help me figure out what I need to know?

Spider-Man XXX: Oh yeah.

Black Widow: You are, aren't you?

Spider-Man XXX: We might have a team.

Black Widow: Are you my bitch now, Spider-Man?

---

Aunt May: Peter, don't you remember Mary-Jane Watson? She used to live next door.

Mary-Jane: I used to beat you up... when we were like... five?

Peter Parker: Well, you've certainly changed.

Mary-Jane: Yeah, a little. You filled out, too.

Aunt May: Mary Jane's back in town finishing her master's at ESU. I told her she could stay here. I expect you to show her around town.

---

Flash Thompson: Hey, Pete, you did eventually lose your virginity, didn't you?

Gwen Stacy: He did. We used to date.

Peter Parker: Oh, just when things seemed like they couldn't get any more awkward.

Mary-Jane: Let's face it, Tiger, you just hit the jackpot.

---

[last lines]

Aunt May: [doorbell rings] I'll get it, Peter. I'm expecting someone.

Dr. Otto Octavius: Good Afternoon. I understand you have a room for rent?

Aunt May: Pleased to meet you.

Dr. Otto Octavius: You're very kind, my dear. The name's Octavius, Dr. *Otto* Octavius.

Cast

• Xander Corvus — Spider-Man/Peter Parker
• Capri Anderson — Mary Jane Watson
• Ash Hollywood — Gwen Stacy
• Sarah Shevon — Betty Brant
• Brooklyn Lee — Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff
• Tyler Knight — Robbie Robertson
• Lily Labeau — Liz Allan
• Robert Black — J. Jonah Jameson
• Tara Lynn Foxx — Shocked Hooker
• Blyth Hess — Aunt May
• Dick Delaware — Electro/Max Dillon
• Seth Dickens — Flash Thompson
• Michael Vegas — Harry Osborn
• Peter O'Tool — Wilson Fisk/Kingpin
• James Bartholet — Doctor Octopus/Otto Octavius