Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody

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Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody is a 2011 American pornographic superhero film.

Directed by Axel Braun. Written by Axel Braun and Bryn Pryor.
From Axel Braun, The Director of BATMAN XXX: A Porn Parody, the #1 Adult movie of 2010

Dialogue

[first lines]
J.J. Jameson: Guess the hero doesn't always win.
Peter Parker: What's that, Mr. Jameson?
J.J. Jameson: Kraven the Hunter, framed for murder by that wall-crawling menace.
Robbie Robertson: We don't know that, Jonah. Captain Stacy told me there's plenty of evidence.
J.J. Jameson: Aww bullshit, Robbie, Kraven tried to rid this city of a pest and Spider-Man set him up. That man's a hero.
Peter Parker: Look, you also say that *Nixon* was misunderstood.
J.J. Jameson: Who asked you anyway, Parker? What good are you? This morning, Spider-Man and that Juggernaut knocked down a building. Where were you? Where are my pictures?
Peter Parker: Well, I guess I can't be everywhere at once.
Robbie Robertson: Jonah, we're not going to run that story. According to the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man tried to stop Juggernaut.
J.J. Jameson: That's right. Tried and failed. Just like *this* little prick.
[gestures at Parker]
J.J. Jameson: I pay you to be everywhere. You know what, Parker? You're fired. Fired. F-I-R-E-D, fired. Get outta here. Out. Out. Get out.
Black Widow: Are you going to help me figure out what I need to know?
Spider-Man XXX: Oh yeah.
Black Widow: You are, aren't you?
Spider-Man XXX: We might have a team.
Black Widow: Are you my bitch now, Spider-Man?
Aunt May: Peter, don't you remember Mary-Jane Watson? She used to live next door.
Mary-Jane: I used to beat you up... when we were like... five?
Peter Parker: Well, you've certainly changed.
Mary-Jane: Yeah, a little. You filled out, too.
Aunt May: Mary Jane's back in town finishing her master's at ESU. I told her she could stay here. I expect you to show her around town.
Flash Thompson: Hey, Pete, you did eventually lose your virginity, didn't you?
Gwen Stacy: He did. We used to date.
Peter Parker: Oh, just when things seemed like they couldn't get any more awkward.
Mary-Jane: Let's face it, Tiger, you just hit the jackpot.
[last lines]
Aunt May: [doorbell rings] I'll get it, Peter. I'm expecting someone.
Dr. Otto Octavius: Good Afternoon. I understand you have a room for rent?
Aunt May: Pleased to meet you.
Dr. Otto Octavius: You're very kind, my dear. The name's Octavius, Dr. *Otto* Octavius.

Cast

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